Wordless Wednesday

Missing Her

I'd known Elaine for almost 33 years.        

In fact, we met when Craig and I went on our very first date.  I was 16 years old, and we were going to the movies in a near-by city.  It was raining, and the wiper arm broke before we were out of our little town.   Without  more than a word, Craig turned around, drove up the driveway, and right into the garage at his parents' house.  Before I knew it, there stood Craig's brother, dad and mom - all peering into the window of Craig's car at me, while Craig was replacing the wiper blade.  I was so nervous... I wanted to just crawl under the seat and stay there!   One look at Craig's mom and I knew it'd be alright - she had such a nice cheerful smile, and her eyes just sparkled as she said, "Hi.  I'm Elaine, Craig's mom." 

Elaine and I would butt heads several times those early years, and we actually locked horns a time or two over the years, but everything would work out, and I can honestly tell you that my mother-in-law was one of my closest, dearest friends.  I will miss her tremendously.        

When someone was greeted by Elaine, she would smile, her eyes sparkling, and maybe give a little giggle, then she'd flop her arms out - palms up, hands hanging down from the wrists - to give you a hug.

Her laugh was nothing if not unique.  She laughed this silly little laugh, her breath getting caught up on itself,  almost choking on itself, and it'd make you laugh just a bit more as you enjoyed her laugh.  

Her grandkids were the joy of her life.  She was so proud of each one.  In fact, she said that she truly felt alive once she became a grandmother.  It didn't matter if it was toilet-training, learning to read, shooting their first deer (she hated venison!),  making the dean's list, graduating from college, getting married, giving her a great-grandchild, or passing the bar exam, she was equally proud of each and every grandchild's accomplishment.  And she told all her friends about every one of them.  She would often say, "Oh just wait until you have grandkids, Lori.  There is nothing like it!"

Elaine felt great joy when she played her organ.  She didn't concern herself whether or not her neighborhood wanted to hear her music, she just played her favorite songs with great abandon:  How Great Thou Art.  Amazing Grace.  In the Garden.  Too many others to recall.  All were a source of happiness for her.  For birthday celebrations, everyone had to sing "Happy Birthday" pretty much for all they were worth in order to hear their own voice over the organ accompaniment.

The cancer came back  before Christmas, we believe.  She just knew something was seriously wrong. She had that ominous feeling.  With her growing health issues, she felt more or less confined to her home, and life was getting pretty lonely for her.

In January, the CT scan showed that yes, the cancer had grown.  She was determined to beat it again, and agreed to have the lymph nodes biopsied to be certain of how to treat the cancer.  The newly-introduced chemotherapy pills would not be the answer because her stomach was just too touchy to go this route.   So she was to wait another month.

In the meantime, the cancer began its accelerated downward spiral, and choked off the ureter from the kidney to the bladder.  (Yes, only one kidney remained from another cancer scare three years ago.)  The beginning of renal failure went undetected for a few weeks.  She was admitted to the hospital on March 1st.  By the time the diagnosis was made, a lot of damage was done.  Too much damage, and she had to face dialysis.  It was detected that the gall bladder was suffering.  And the liver was damaged, if not invaded with cancerous tumors.  We wouldn't be sure as the dye used for the CT scans would further damage her organs.

 She was finally convinced that God was telling her that it was time to go Home.  Too many organs were affected to battle it all.  She was getting weaker and feeling more tired with each passing day, and realized that she'd never be going back to her home.

 She was going to see Harvey, the love of her life, whom she hadn't seen in almost two years.  She missed him just as much now if not more than following his death.  The winters seemed colder and longer with each passing year without him.               

 On March 9th, dialysis was stopped and Elaine was moved from the oncology floor to hospice.   

Her room was filled with floral arrangements from friends and family.  There were cards and well-wishes, hand drawn pictures from her grandkids and great-grandchildren and photos taped onto the walls, "thinking of you" balloons were tucked here and there...   and one could truly feel peace and grace as they walked into that room.  In separate incidents, two RNs told me that they enjoyed going into Elaine's room, not only because of the beauty we had filled it with, but because even knowing she was dying, she was always smiling and would tell them, "I am so lucky.  I've been blessed with a great family."                       

Elaine died peacefully just before 9pm on March 11, 2011.  Her family was with her.  We hold fast to the peace and grace she showed us as she entered Eternal Life, but we're going to miss her tremendously.  

All the above photos of flowers were ones I'd taken of the many bouquets and arrangements at Elaine's funeral.